It's Exciting To Be Polish - making sauerkraut

My mom had this pin that simply said "IT'S EXCITING TO BE POLISH".  Whilst the font being all caps implies that there is an audible urgency to this statement, I have found that being Polish isn't terribly exciting at all.  Until today.  Today I made sauerkraut.  Hold on.  Let me rephrase that.   TODAY I MADE SAUERKRAUT.  

What sealed this exiting deal for me was that I grew cabbage in my garden for the first time this year.  i have never ever successfully grown anything from the brassica family.   I have tried broccoli, brussels sprouts, and kale.  each and every time the plant has succumbed to an infestation of silver aphids.  Those aphids are dicks.  Nothing eats them!  So i took extra care with my companion planting this year to prevent an infestation, rather than treat, and completely inundate my cabbage plants with nasturtium, marigolds, rosemary, and thyme.  I also planted mint in pots surrounding the cabbage area (mint is too invasive to just plant freely).  check it:

I found 100 recipes on Pinterest.  Which is weird because the recipe is literally "put salt on cabbage.  keep cabbage submerged in brine.  let it sit.  eat it".  The recipe has 4 steps and that is only if you consider the actual eating of the food you made a step in the recipe.  

The recipe I followed had the prettiest pictures.  But it also had the wrongest opinion about salt.  I adjusted accordingly.  It called for 2 teaspoons of kosher (or other non-iodized salt) per pound of cabbage.  My dude was just under 4 pounds.

Pretty Picture Blog Lady likes her stuff on the less salty side (crazypants).  Since there was a pretty hefty stem that probably accounted for a significant percentage of these almost 4 pounds, I decided to not overthink it and I used 8 teaspoons of kosher salt.

So, slice up your cabbage and throw it in a nonmetal bowl.  Metal reacts with the salt or something.  It's Science.  

Sprinkle the salt all over your cabbage and massage it with clean hands (please!).  Those of you who are a fan of a massaged kale salad will find this step familiar.  Those of you with eczema on your hands will find this step excruciatingly painful.  Let your relaxed cabbage sit for an hour.  The salt will start to break the cabbage down and will cause moisture to be released.  Again, Science.  That moisture is the brine.  It is the Sauer for your Kraut.  Besides making things tasty, it is also what will be preserving your cabbage.

It's amazing to see how much less space the cabbage takes up.

With your still clean hands, jam that stuff in a jar.  you can use a huge mason jar, or a jar you just got at IKEA last weekend that you originally planned to use when you stage your house when it goes on the market in a few months.  you know, whatevs jar you have hanging around.  While the jar must be clean, like your hands, and you conscience, there aren't any heavy hitting sanitation requirements like there would be with canning.  Just jam the kraut in there and press it down as much as you can with your fist.  You could probably use a spoon but I don't think it would get as compact.  You want all of the cabbage to be submerged in the brine.  If any cabbage is not submerged, it will mold.  you don't want to eat that.  That isn't blue cheese.  That's gross.

Here is where i just have to trust humanity to not lead me astray.  Do we seal this up?  heck no.  we throw a towel on that and call it a night.  seriously.  okay, there is another step.   you need to keep the cabbage compacted and submerged.  You can buy an actual fermentation crock and a weight that is perfectly sized to press your kraut down.  I filled a smaller jar with water and put it on top.   Since there is Science, it is possible that some of the brine will venture over the sides so it's good to have a tray or high class tupperware to catch any spillage.  

THEN you cover it up and call it a night.

 Check daily and make sure your cabbage is staying underwater.  I have read that it is ready in 3 days.  I have also read that if you want the biggest health boost bang for your fermented food buck, you should wait at least two weeks before you refrigerate.  Every bone in my body tells me that it is just unAmerican to leave our food out like this, but I am going to try to go the long haul.  I am going to go push America aside and roll with The Poles on this one.  and Science.

This Rocks! (you can thank neil for this post title)

Every Sunday, we walk a few blocks down the street to our neighborhood farmers market.  O loves it because we always run into friends and she gets to dance with her buddies to whatever live music they have.  I love it for the social reasons as well, but Neil and I are also a tad bit invested in the alley trolling we get to do on the walk there and home.  Since we are walking, we are free to see what people leave out next to their dumpsters AND what people have thrown away in their dumpsters.   gross?  hell yes.  but stick with me here.

when I was a kid, my mom had this friend named Avis who would tumble her own rocks.  I was fascinated by the concept of some rocks having more value than other rocks.  you mean that I could maybe just find one of these extra special rocks as I was walking down the street and Avis would polish it up for me and I would have a JEWEL?  to my 6 year old brain, this was the best fucking news ever.  Avis made me this folder with what must have been 40 or so different polished rock chips glued into its folds.  next to each chip was the name of the rock and where it could be found in nature.  None of these rocks naturally occurred in my yard in Mill Valley, California but I was hooked anyway.  A rock nerd was born.  

A few months ago, there was an estate sale down the street.  There were some pretty cool smoky quarts  and pyrite specimens (total rock nerd word) there.   I got to talking to the son of the deceased rock collector and found out that this guys dad had been collecting rocks for 57 years.  and it was obvious that the son was humoring my insane interest and just wanted the damn rocks gone.  I think i got 5 pieces for 28 bucks.  and I was stoked.  

Cut to this morning when Neil opened a dumpster and we found all the rocks the son couldn't get rid of.  it took at least a half an hour for us to stuff everything we could in the bottom of O's stroller and slather ourselves in hand sanitizer.  It's gross, the dumpster diving.  I'm not gonna lie.  But life is hard people so buck up.

This is what we found:

Can you believe that crap?  Amazing.  And yes, I washed them all.

Now if only there was also a book on gemstones and minerals in the dumpster as well, cos I really wish I knew what all these different blue and green guys were.

 I am guessing this is citrine.

 This is actually a deep blue color.  I have no idea what it is.  I wish I still had Avis' folder, damn it!

 Teeny tiny dark green crystals.

 This amethyst almost looks like teeth, with the roots and everything.

What is this?

A buttload of clear and smoky quartz crystals.  I told O they are magic because I like to fuck with her head sometimes.

 This guy is teeny, really heavy, and makes me wish Game of Thrones was on tonight.

 I love how this one is so clearly layered with white, green, amethyst, green, then white again.

 Some paper white stone with smoky quartz escaping.

\

 This is pyrite with some turquoise colored stone.  pyrite is a family favorite.   if you don't have a family favorite rock, you just aren't living.

This one is barely there.  The green is bright, but it is such a thin later.

 More citrine.

IT'S ALL SO FUCKING PRETTY AND COOL AND AWESOME!  CAN YOU EVEN STAND IT?!??!?

There were plenty that weren't glass display case worthy (i am hoping to find a glass display case in an alley next Sunday.  fingers crossed!) so O and I put them out in the garden for the fairies.  Again, I like fucking with my kid.  She is pissed at me for telling her the fairies are so small we can't see them.  Seriously, there was yelling and tears.

O wanted to take a picture of the new fairy beds in the kale sprouts.  and her crocks, apparently.  Also, she is stepping on my nasturtium!  that kid.  my god.

If you happen to know what any of these stones are, please tell me in the comments!

Can It. Peach Salsa

I grew up in the Bay Area.  We had fresh everything all year round.  I know we had canned green beans in the house because I remember snacking on them with a little bit if red wine vinegar as a kid.  but we also had access to what I assume was fairly inexpensive fresh produce as well.  We never relied on canned goods as meal items. So therefor, I never really understood the draw of canning until I started growing my own stuff.  So this year, I got myself a little present.

I had (and kind of still have) some pretty high expectations of my garden.  I plan on canning a lot of tomatoes.  I was going to pickle some green beans.  I want to make sauerkraut but just recently learned that if I were to can it, it would lose all of it's health benefits.  So there is that.  And I was going to pickle cauliflower, too.  and pickles.  regular old pickles from cucumbers.

Let me now update you on my garden.  Tomatoes?  I have approximately one million green tomatoes that may or may not ever turn red.  My kid eats all the green beans before I even get them out of the garden.  See above regarding sauerkraut.  I have harvested three heads of cauliflower, weeks apart from each other, and ate them all as dinner.  Cucumbers?  I have one that is 2 inches long.  Let's not hold our breath on that particular bumper crop.

So my adventures in canning have taken a turn for the store bought.   That's cool.  It happens.  And, well, if I am going to screw up 12 pints of something, please let it not be something I have been tending to daily since early May.  I am too fragile for that crap.

These guys have been at Costco as of late.  Perfect for my first tries at canning.  Round one was a pretty rad Peach Vanilla and Bourbon Jam from a really amazing lady who we call The Beantown Baker.  I also call her my Cousin In Law, but that is besides the point.  Her recipe is here 

I have a problem with recipes.  I can't follow them.  The more I cook, the more my clever ego is convinced that I know better.  For the most part, this works out okay because I avoid the more
science-y approaches to cooking.  baking is just not for me.  but canning is another mode of cooking that really does require the following of some rules.  I am working on it.  But it's hard.

I started with the Peach Salsa recipe from the book pictured above, The Ball Complete Book of Home Preserving.   

6 cups peaches -- diced I used the 10 peaches pictured above, not sure how many cups it was.
1 1/4 cups red onion -- chopped I used one huge red onion.
4 jalapeno pepper -- chopped  I used one and a half because that is what was in my fridge.
1 red pepper -- chopped  I used one and a half because one wasn't pretty enough.
1/2 cup chopped fresh cilantro -- loosely packed 
1/2 cup white vinegar 
2 tablespoons honey I omitted the honey because peaches are plenty sweet on their own
1 clove garlic -- finely chopped I used 3
1 1/2 teaspoons cumin omitted
1/2 teaspoon cayenne omitted
I added the juice of one lime and about a teaspoon of kosher salt.

First is peeling the peaches.  Once again, the concept of blanching seemed tedious and scary to me.  And then I did it and realized I was being ridiculous.  To do, put peaches in boiling water for 30 seconds, then pull them out and throw them into some ice water.  after a minute or so (or maybe it's 10 seconds, what do I know.  I waited a minute), the skins come off SO easily.  Check out how undamaged the flesh of the peaches are after peeling.  It's THAT easy!

 I just love a diced red onion.  How pretty is that?

I find tremendous joy in chopping produce.  I remember my mom being so patient with me as I butchered her onions with the smallest knife that would do the job.  I was 7 and I fancied myself an expert.  Now, I am 41, have a big knife, and am VERY aware at how little I know.  Ha!

I cut the peaches much larger then the rest of the veg because I was hoping they would hold their shape.  Salsa (to me) is not a sauce.  Its whole point is to impart a freshness, which is difficult to achieve when you are cooking and canning it!

So here is my struggle.  I live in Denver!  We are The Mile High City.  When canning above 5000 feet (a mile is 5280 feet) you add 10 minutes to your processing time when canning.  So, i just brought my salsa to a boil before putting it into jars, knowing it had to process 20 (yes, 20!) minutes, instead of a sea level-y 10.  ugh.  my freshness!   What will happen to you?

I will say that the salsa itself tasted super delish before canning, so if you are looking for a non canning peach salsa recipe, this is fantastic for that, as well.  Even Neil, who is a huge sceptic in regards to sweet things hanging out with savory and/or spicy things, though this was pretty great.  We had it on chips.  I am definitely going to try it on fish or shrimp.  I can't bring myself to pretend that a grilled chicken breast is an interesting or fulfilling piece of food but if you are into that kind of item, this salsa would be awesome on it.

And here are my little peachy babies!   The peaches held their shape.  I did something right!  I was shocked at the amount of liquid that was produced, and did my best to strain it away before canning.  The cilantro just aint so green anymore and the onions look a bit pale, but I know the flavor is there, no matter what.  I call this a pretty great success for my second try at canning!

Big ones for me!  Little ones as gifts!  That's how I roll!

Green Bean Salad with Feta and Mint

I love to cook.  It is not a struggle for me.  I make time for it because i find it incredibly rewarding.  But, I am not a crazy person and i can certainly appreciate a dish that is easy and fast.

So tonight's dinner plans were not terribly lofty.  I was going to make rice cooker risotto (same ingredients + none of the technique = kind of the same flavor, but none of the texture, which is good enough most of the time), sautéd shrimp, and green beans.  Note the lack of description about my green bean plans.  All i knew was that i had a bunch from my garden and i was going to eat them tonight.

I am not actually a huge green bean fan.  At least not when they are from the store.  Normally i would just steam them, maybe squeeze some lemon and crush some garlic on top.  But it was always uninspired and pretty damn unrewarding as well.

Pinterest is my best friend and worst enemy.  Because I do love to cook, I pin mostly recipes.  It is shocking to me how many mediocre, if not absolutely terrible recipes there are out there!  Any idiot with a blog can post a recipe (what??!!?) and all it takes is another idiot to pin it and then it's game fucking over for food as we know it.  I am disappointed more often than not.  And yet i keep going back.  

Most of the recipes i sifted through today were some variation of a parmesan topping on a green bean or a bacon crumbled around a green bean, or both.  probably tasty, but….well……meh.  Then i found a recipe pinned from Saveur magazine.  It's a good thing i am typing this and not telling you about it with my mouth because i have NO idea how to pronounce Saveur.  

The recipe had green beans.   I had green beans!

The recipe had mint.  I had mint!

Okay, here is the actual recipe.  i am not going to post a pic of my friggin bottle of red wine vinegar….

1 tbsp. red wine vinegar

3 tbsp. olive oil
1 clove garlic, finely minced
Salt and freshly ground pepper, to taste
1 lb. green beans, trimmed
8 oz. feta, cut into ½" cubes
½ cup mint leaves, roughly chopped
½ small red onion, thinly sliced

My green beans are rattlesnake beans, which are an heirloom pole variety.  They are really cool looking, and come from a gorgeous purple flower.  

The recipe is not complicated at all….just whisk the dressing in a bowl and throw everything else on top.  There is a little bit of bean blanching required, but since i was making rice cooker risotto and not actual risotto, i figured i could splurge a bit and take the extra 4 minutes to properly blanch.



I was kind of disappointed to see the "rattlesnake" gets cooked out.


and then i was disappointed to realize i forgot to add the garlic.  but i've got to say, it was still really good.  i never would have put feta and mint together on my own, and that is why i am not a contributor to Saveur magazine.  well that, and the fact that i don't even know how to say it.



Here is my kid's finished plate.  She did the usual "i don't like it" about the green beans, but it was actually about the feta cheese that was on the green beans because she friggin eats these beans out of the garden fresh every day.  she tried one, renounced her previous declaration, and ate them up.  the risotto….. not so much.  one can't win with a toddler, ever.

Do you have a green bean recipe you love?  or a mint recipe you love?   I've got plenty of both to eat up this summer and I trust you more than i trust pinterest.

And while that is true……ugh..….I'm just going to go peek and see if just maybe there might be a recipe or two……...

Alley Transformation - Bookshelf

This one, i am excited about.  

Far too often, Neil (he's the husband) and I will drive up and down the back alleys in our neighborhood to see what people are throwing away.   We live in a fairly well to do neighborhood, and people keep throwing away perfectly good things.  But mostly, people are throwing away crap.  And that is where things get fun.  

This bookshelf was definitely in the "crap" category.

It swayed back and forth.  It was cracked and chipped.  The brass feet were covered in paint.  It was a mess.  Neil wasn't into it, but i had a vision.  This is exciting because i am kind of a bit visionless these days.  Neil is a designer and he doesn't spend all day with a toddler so his brain still forms thoughts of value.  Mine just farts most of the time.  

We went to Home Depot and purchased three things:  paint, brass cleaner, and a particle board back.  The idea was that the back would stabilize the bookshelf and remove some of that unnerving swaying motion.   

I used TSP to clean it, Neil screwed on the back, and i polished the brass feet and caulked the seams.  Neil painted.  Neil painted into the night because there was a chance of rain the next day and we needed to get everything done pronto-like.

As you see, we used spray paint.  It's so easy to work with but there is no way in hell that piece was coming in the house to dry.  So we crafted the most ridiculous tent out of another bookshelf, a ladder, and a tarp.  We went to sleep proud.  And when i woke up in the morning and ran out there like a kid on Christmas morning, i saw that we let the sprinklers run overnight and the bookshelf was soaked.   See?  My brain makes farts.  ALL the fucking time.

The sun came out and we dried it off.  My daughter, O, wanted to help us.  but first she had to take care of something.  

KIDS ARE SO AWESOME AND HELPFUL.

So here it is, O's brand new bookshelf.   What dragged me into this whole ordeal to begin with is how there is that middle section for extra tall books.  O's got this one dinosaur book that just never fit anywhere.  A smart and more efficient mom would have probably just snuck the dinosaur book out of the house under the cover of night and left the book in the alley for some poor sucker to pick up.  But not me.   My brain farted out this much easier plan.  Dig the final product.

 Is the yellow too much?  Don't answer that.

Hi.

At some point, we really dug our heels in.  I think it was when we finally built the chicken coop and got the ladies.  It just became impossible to imagine Moving With Chickens, you know?  So while we have lived here for 6 years, the first 5 were strictly us figuring us out.  Now we know, we are the people who have chickens.  We are the people who garden.  We are the people who make our own mediocre laundry soap.  And we are the people who troll the alleys of our neighborhood, gathering up what other people throw away and giving it a new awesome life.   3 years ago, we would have been worried about freaking out our neighbors.  Today, we know who our people are and everyone else can suck it.

So, want to meet the chickens?   It's all their fault, anyway.

 This is River.  She is a barred rock, just over a year old.  She used to be a fantastic layer, but went broody recently and maybe kind of also lost her mind a little bit.  she picks at her feathers when no one is looking.  or maybe it is another chicken.  if so, that other chicken is a dick.

This is Rhino.  She is an australorp, and also just over a year.  She wins for most and biggest eggs, and she comes running every time she hears me come outside.  She is a better listener than most people I know.

This is Red.  Oh Red.  She is a Red Star.  She used to lay all kinds of crazy eggs….misshapen, teeny, even an egg in another egg.  Then she stopped laying.  She also has a fairly rotten personality.  She is lucky I am not one to cull, as she brings very little to the table.  but also, I JUST LOVE HER ANYWAY.  effing chickens.

 These gals are Sunny Jim and Hoos Foos.  Bonus points if you know where their names came from.  (Hint:  it's a literary masterpiece).  Sunny Jim is an easter egger and Hoos Foos is an actual pure bred Ameraucana.  Neither of them have started laying yet as they are just teenagers, but they should within the next few months.  Hoos Foos will lay blue eggs and Sunny Jim's should be some version of blue or green.

This is Peaches.   She is just a wee thang, maybe 7 weeks old.  She is a white rock.  She is giving Rhino a run for the money, as far as attentiveness goes.  Shit is about to get real up in here, if you know what i mean.

More to follow on their setup, how they live and how we all roll with it.   The internet has a lot of chicken sites and they all tell you exactly the same three things about chickens.  so hopefully some of my real life experience may offer up some more insight for you.  or maybe you just want to look at pretty chicken pictures.  either way, i'm down.   i've been there myself.  i won't judge.